Every Smile
by Dawnstorm101
Summary: SPOILERS FOR 5X05. Barry's overjoyed to see Iris and Nora finally bonding. But the moment comes with a crushing realization.


A/N: I am _not_ supposed to be writing fanfic right now (yay NaNoWriMo…), but I _couldn't_ get over tonight's ep. Especially not the little moment of Barry overhearing Iris and Nora. So have a quick drabble

* * *

"What do you think she's doing?" Iris asked after Nora had been gone for a while.

Barry shrugged, swallowing down his mouthful of Big Belly Burger. "She went towards the speed lab. Maybe she's training?"

"Not alone," Iris said, picking one of the best fries out of Barry's box.

He watched longingly as she ate it. "Well, she was happy," he reminded her. "So I don't think she's sulking, at least."

"No," Iris agreed. She drummed her fingers against the desk, glancing at the door. "Do you think I should…?"

Barry smiled. "Go be with our daughter."

Iris narrowed her eyes playfully. "You just want me to stop stealing your fries."

"I was kidnapped in the middle of searching for dinner, I'm hungry!" Barry said defensively.

Iris chuckled. She stood, leaning over to kiss his cheek, and he leaned into her touch, remembering those heart-stopping moments on the edge of the skyscraper. "I'm glad you're safe."

"Me too," he murmured as she pulled back just enough to meet his gaze. "Just, maybe no more jumping off buildings? You nearly gave me a heart attack before I could even hit the ground."

"But if I hadn't jumped off that building like a _badass_ ," Iris said, "you wouldn't be here for me to steal your fries."

She plucked two more from the box and ran for the door. "Wha- hey!" Barry protested. But he made no move to run after her, letting her echoing laughter warm his heart.

He turned his attention to his meal, eating his fries before anyone could come in and steal more of them. When he finished his burger and Iris still hadn't come back, he headed down to the lab. As he neared, he heard Nora start asking about Iris staking out the girl's bathroom.

And then they were laughing. Together. With each other.

Barry beamed, leaning against the wall, savoring the moment. Iris's musical laugh and Nora's adorable giggle, blending as one for the first time. His girls, the two women he loved more than life itself, happy together. Happy because of each other.

 _Without me._

His smile slipped. He turned away, struggling to hold onto it. They were happy, _finally_ happy, and he _couldn't_ begrudge them that. He _wouldn't_. They deserved it.

But…

"Bar?"

Barry jumped, realizing he'd made his way back to the cortex. "Joe, what are you doing here?"

"Iris told me what happened," he said. "Are you ok?"

"Oh, yeah," Barry assured him. "Ragdoll didn't hurt me. Iris didn't let him."

Joe narrowed his eyes. "How exactly did she prevent him from hurting you?"

"Uh… she had… the key to the situation."

"Barry-"

"You really don't want to know, Joe."

He ran a hand over his head, wobbling on his feet for a second. "Oh God."

Barry patted his shoulder, going to sit down. He picked up the French fry container, brushing a thumb over the logo. _You wouldn't be here for me to steal your fries._

"Are you sure you're ok, Bar?"

Barry dropped the box like it had burned him, stashing it in the takeout bag. "Yeah, no, it's, uh, it's nothing. Promise."

Joe pulled up a chair, one eyebrow raised. "You're a terrible liar, Barry."

Barry sighed, leaning his elbows on his knees, clasped hands dangling, twisting together. "I… I won't be there, Joe. For them. For my wife and… and my daughter. And I guess seeing them happy together without me for the first time… I guess it's really starting to sink in."

Joe laid his hand over Barry's. "I wish I could tell you that everything will be all right. That everything will work out, and you'll get to raise your own little girl like I raised Iris. And I will fight like _hell_ to try to make that happen. But…"

"But you can't," Barry rasped. "We could fight for all the years I have left, but I could still disappear. I could still leave all of you behind."

"Yes," Joe murmured. "That is a very real possibility. But what I _can_ tell you, Bar, is that you'll never leave them _alone_. Iris and Nora will always have me, and Cecile, and Cisco, and Caitlin, and Ralph. We will love them, and raise Nora right alongside Jenna, and even if their relationship is strained, neither one will ever want for love. That, I can promise you."

"I know," Barry whispered, closing his eyes. "I know, and that gives me so much comfort, it _does_ , but-" Tears slipped out, cascading down his cheeks. "But _I_ want to be there. I don't-" His voice broke. "I don't want to let them go."

Joe reached out, pulling Barry into a tight hug. Barry burrowed into it, clinging tight to his dad. "I know," Joe murmured. "I know, son. But for as long as you have, you've just gotta hold on. Hold on to every kiss, every hug, every smile."

"Every smile," Barry repeated quietly. "Every smile."

Joe nodded. "And when you need to break, I'll be right here. Always."

"And for them?"

"And for them."


End file.
